Autism's Hidden Sentence - Facial Expressions & Trust

"A trait of autism is our facial expressions. In a place like this it is difficult. I have heard others that I know and have been around for a while have to explain to others that do not know how I am, that "that is just Rob". In these instances that is not bad. It is when that person is not there to explain that is just how I am, that things get bad. I have been asked why I looked at a person the way I did and actually got into confrontations over what or how a person perceived I looked. When I was in Stateville the gangs use to use people to carry knives. Me? No. They put me in front of those that were carrying a knife. Why? Well, I have always been told and still am told that I look suspicious. It worked back then. I always got patted down and not the person carrying the knife. Today I was confronted with how I looked suspicious as being perceived as doing wrong when in fact I am not. I am confused because I am in an environment that I have learned that I can not trust. The person told me this but I have to ask, is it to keep me from functioning the way I have been able to, to break my routine? He knows of my autism but beyond that he does things that are all too often only advantageous to him and only him. This creates a new aspect for me that I have not fully conceived and am attempting to understand. I have often struggled in these types of scenarios and now seem not to have anyone that I am able to rely on that is as I call "proper", that will give me the best advice knowing how I am and how the other person is also. This is a real issue that may or may not actually be detrimental to me. In here I have struggled to adapt to the change in each social situation and circumstance I face. Once I learn, I know what to do. It is trying not to make the wrong choice but not having a person to guide me to the right choice. I just stay to myself and find my own corner and try to reset and think it out. Today I am seeing if writing now that I am calmed down helps..."

- Robin